This is the place to post your humorous math poems!
If you've read Celebrate Math, Poetry, and Humor in April, then you know that April is the confluence of Math Awareness Month, National Poetry Month, and National Humor Month. We're now accepting your original submissions of humorous math poems, and a random winner from all submissions will be chosen on April 30. The winner will receive an autographed copy of Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks.
Have fun writing a poem, or let you students know about the contest and post their creations here!
Good luck, have fun, and let your creative juices flow!
Just to get the ball rolling and make everyone else feel good about their jokes, I offer a non-original that's a real groaner:
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Thanks, Jenny! There are actually two follow-up jokes to that old classic:
For those who speak in other bases...
Why don't jokes work in base 8?
Because 7 10 11.
And for those who speak Greek...
Why was epsilon afraid of zeta?
Because zeta eta theta.
Thanks, Jenny and Patrick. Now I don't feel so badly about my lame jokes! Unfortunately, I really can't top those two.
Karen -- there's no such thing as a lame math joke! Only lame people who don't laugh at math jokes!
So let me preface this by giving some context. My daughter is 7 years old. She likes to make up random jokes that make no sense and then laugh her head off.
We were sitting at the dinner table last night and I told her there was a contest asking kids to make up a math joke. She thought for about 2 seconds, turned to me, and said:
Knock knock
Who's there?
Math
Math who?
Mathematician (or she may have said mathemagician because her magic kit was sitting close by)
She thought it was hysterical! Thanks for giving us a memorable moment to share over the dinner table.
Bridget
My friend Art Benjamin was on The Colbert Report. Art is a math professor at Harvey Mudd, but he calls himself a mathemagician. Stephen Colbert said, "You call yourself a mathemagician."
Art responded, "Yes."
Stephen said, "What does that mean? Were those two words, by itself, not nerdy enough?"
Funny line. A little sad for me, though, that his statement epitomizes most people's belief about people who like math.
Full video at http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/262614/january-27-2010/arthur-benjamin, if you care.
This is serious, not funny, but I hope people like it! It's at http://aquaversepoetry.blogspot.com.
A)
a function comparing the changes
that happen now then always
with a change in a parameter
that thinks for itself
can be integrated so the reader
sees a Slice – (Newton called this a fluxion)
that if the changed paradigm
the all-controlling independent variable
is time itself a Slice Of Life results
the integral from the moment the function comes into view
to the moment the observer
stops looking
the function, “dt” ,cut with a microtome
through the obsessive compulsion of micro-time
only Einstein could stop your hand-washing
Lady Time, is your existence a stain on yourself
only relativity could render you
self-referential
B)
the still-life poet
self-reflective in Einstein’s timescape
appears narrative or confessional peers
Newtonian Aristotelian Euclidean Pharaonic
for her brush strokes are chronotons
for he captures a hologram with every breath
freezing Time’s obsession in a slice not a point
frozen in that “dt” that follows the function
now a “dA” where A is an action
larger than loss but equal to losing
larger than gain but equal to gaining
as small as conception as large as conceiving
as short and as timeless as the bearing
equal to the time of the tear that forms in the eye
that integrates the function called your childhood
from prehension until gravity overcomes
the surface tension
of salt water
and daddy's cheek
Here's a couple of my original Maths-themed poetic masterpieces (one that appeared on MJ4MF already)
My Clock
I have a really geeky clock
it has a special chime:
at 2,3,5,7 and 11 o clock
It shouts out "it's prime time!"
Obsessed?
Some folks, they dream of wealth and fame,
Or that some girl would know their name —
Pathetic! I reserve my slumber
For imagining my favourite number.
As rapid movement stirs my eyes,
No need for me to fantasize
Of infinitely distant wishes.
Instead I feast on π — delicious!
Love your My Clock poem, Chris! As with many teachers, we collect short poems that may relate to our subject of the day...those quirky, rhyming examples that we can interject into our lessons, yes and surprise our students with a little humor, and most importantly make a topic stick in our students' minds.
I had a college professor who did this and can attest that humor crosses all grade levels.
Thank you for sharing!
"More please." I love humorous, math poems. Keep 'em coming.
Thanks Jane,
With a three kids under 5, I don't get much time to compose epic poems that span pages and pages...I only had a couple of spare minutes and fired the clock one down!
Looking forward to seeing some other poems on here soon (hopefully).
Chris
Chris, I'll be pilfering your My Clock poem for my next presentation! I'll give full credit, of course.
t'would be mine honour, good sir.
Fraction Poem
You have an apple and you cut it in two, half for me and half for you. I eat half and you the other, make it even or I’ll tell your mother! A fraction is part of a whole, it has two numbers don’t you know! The number on top is called the numerator. The one on the bottom is the denominator. The top number is what you’re talkin’ about, The number on bottom is the pieces you can count!
Decided to try again tonight- here's my latest poem.
Why I hate rulers
Measuring is a touchy subject for me-
I’m only 5 foot 3 you see.
A “grown-up”? Don’t make me snigger.
I guess in metric it sounds bigger:
1 metre and 60 centimetres
and contain just under 5 whole litres
of blood- in my case it’s Type O
explanes the glaring misteaks or so
I tell myself.
I can’t reach top shelves or scale high mounts
but I’m good at Maths- and that’s what counts!
They say “Genetics had it in for you-
your mum is small, your dad is too”
I reply “Yeah, but I think you’ll find
I’m smaller than the two of them combined.”
Math Everywhere!
Math, Math, Math,
you can do it in the bath.
Decimals and fractions are the main attractions.
Whole numbers, there are enough to fill a bowl.
Numbers, Numbers, Numbers come from down under.
S.A.D. wont really make you sad!
Those are some math skills made for you!
by Alyson McGovern
6th grade
Pinewood Prep
Two binomials walk into a gas station planning to rob it. All of the sudden the police come in and nab the two burglars. As they walk out cuffed together the first binomial says to the second, "Curses foiled again."
Luv it! I can see my math students groaning now and then we all have a good laugh. Good one, Christine.
I just emailed that joke to my middle school teachers. My English teacher didn't get it and ran to our Math Head to ask her to explain it. Our Math Head told her she "Never gets jokes", but our English teacher read it to her anyways. Our Math Head cracked up and then went to the board and explained the FOIL method.
This joke gets the win for making interdisciplinary connections!
For another interdiscplinary math/language arts joke, check this out:
http://mathjokes4mathyfolks.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/proportiongrammar.png
Two crossing lines intersect,
Parallel lines have never met,
But lines perpendicular,
Are the most particular
As 90 degrees or square corners are set.
Nice teaching poem for remembering intersect, parallel, and perpendicular. Sticks with me!
3rd hr
Geometry
#1
Dear aunt sally
Please excuse me
For not following the
Rules, I don't have
The right tools
3rd hr
Geometry
#3
Calculators are gray
Paper is white
We try to do geometry
With our intellectual mind
Poem entry:
Many terms
Awesome
The best subject ever!
Has a great ring to it!
I love it.
Subtracting
Fun!
Unstoppable to math teachers.
Numbers
By: Hannah Rogers
6th grade
Pinewood Prep
Probability,
1,2,3,4,5
When it comes to gambling, i cry!
I blindly roll the dice and choose.
But somehow i always loose!
Who would have ever thought?
I lost all the money i ever brought!
If i would have only known.
THen i surely wouldn't have gotten owned.
I had a .03% chance of landing on a 6 twice.
So i curesed at the stupid dice!
With over 1,000's of dollars down the drain.
I left without anything else to gain.
I think math is interesting
Like other subjects math can be hard in some parts
Origanlly I hated math
verious sports use math
Everyone needs math
My favorite word in math is hypotenuse
Accurate observations are found by using math
Tell everyone that "e" is irrational
Helpful math can get you a long way
For Math Students
Square roots are totally radical,
While Pi R squared, not round.
Mathematical knowledge is rational,
But irrational numbers abound.
Geometrical logic is circular,
But not all Math scholars are square.
Calculators are certainly useful,
But enter equations with care!
Slide rules get harder to come by;
Logarithms are factors of 10.
A percent is the size of a piece of the pie;
Use a pencil, not ever a pen!
An eraser's essential for errors you make,
A straight edge for graphing a line,
A compass for circles, don't make a mistake!
A protractor for angles works fine.
Your future with Math may be checkbooks,
Or helping your kids after school,
Or you may wind up as an accountant,
So in Math class don't act like a fool!
Wendy Syfrett
Great, poem! I did try to write one...spent a couple of hours trying. But, this is not easy. Good job, Wendy!
This poem was created by my 4th grade student, H. He is the only one in my class to take on this challenge! Way to go, buddy! Ms. S
Pi
Pi has many great features.
Pi is a number and a letter, for the letter Pi is Greek, and the number Pi is Greek,
So pi is quite interesting and unique.
Pi starts with 3.14, but goes on forever.
Pi goes back long ago in history.
The Egyptians studied Pi, and some Europeans studied Pi.
Pi is a homophone of pie, the symbol for Pi looks like pie,
Pi is the perfect radius of a circle, or a pie,
which means every number represents less than an atom of the circle,
which also means...it probably took a very, very, very long time
for the creator to come up with all of those numbers!!!
Greetings all,
Before I start posting all the poems and silliness I, too, must give some preface to what is about to follow.
In class yesterday, we had just finished a morning of math NYS state testing, a third of one of my classes was absent and the kids were begging for a "free" period. I told them I would compromise and give them an "extra credit" assignment in celebration of completing three days of testing.
The posts that follow are each authored by individual students whose names I shall put as signatures at the bottom.
Mr. H
Math is just awesome
Numbers and operations
I ate a fraction
Haiku by Brian
Piece of pi
I want a half of pi
But half of pi is going to be hard
It just so hard to get half of pi
Because it goes on and on!
by Ruby
The Dangers Of Geometry
Geometry is a thing that was un-normal
that appeared in everything and everywhere.
the thing that was weird
was that it made people unsafe.
it made people shout and hurt
with the edges of a cone,
got flattened with a cube,
got locked in a train with a cube
got trapped with zombies on a triangle pyramid.
there are more to come
that are undescribed,
but there are more adventures to come
back to the story
the geometry can cause trouble,
By Leung
Math is funny
Annoying
Loss maker
Germy
Energetic
Bad
Rules
Amature
by Jon
The number 9 was walking down the street,
When it decided to get something to eat,
Along the way it met the number 5,
Trying to learn how to do the jive,
The number 9 asked 5 what 9+5 was,
5 started to buzz,
And then a transformation took place,
And with such grace,
The number 14 was created,
Wow! Said 9, that’s around what I estimated,
And the new number 14 went to eat,
As it was walking down the street,
14 met 8,
The number full of hate,
I wonder what 14+8 is,
Said 14 with on his face glasses,
The answer was a brand-new number, 22,
This story is very true,
Says the woman who lives in a shoe.
22
by Monika
Today we had a test, it was mathematical.
Which is very tragical.
And wasn't all that fantastical.
I rather it be biographical.
Does it come from the capitol?
by Marie
MATH is used Everyday....I HATE IT!!!!
There once was a boy who thought he was funny
Everyday he got a blast out of the teacher
He said we don’t need math and started a riot
The teacher didn’t get mad
She said alright then lets see you teach it
The boy agreed
When it was time for the state “test”
Everyone failed and was mad
The kids started another riot
Against HIM
The teacher said don’t worry
That wasn’t the test
The kids were confused
That was my test!!!!
The kids realized what the teacher had done
The kids were angry and ran to her
She was frightened but COULDN’T stop laughing
NOW the kids were furious and said CHARGE!!!!
The poor teacher was trampled but the teacher never did that again...
I think Justine just doesn't like math...
3.14159
3.14159
oh these numbers make me whine
2653589
7932384
I am really doing poor
62643383279
If I learn this will I shine?
3.14159
Pi by Vivianna
NY State Math Test
Much too many numbers and problems
Awesomely boring
Too much thinking and figuring out things that don’t make any sense
Horrible way to spend 6 hours of your life
by Konwalia who didn't enjoy testing for 3 days!
Mean,Mean
average,
count the numbers then,
add the numbers
and divide for
mean or average!
Math
Math can be very boring,
escpecially with all the numbers,
by Kaitlyn
Parentheses excludes himself from others.
Exponents wants to make others greater.
Multiplication adds himself to many times.
Division divides himself from the group.
Addition adds himself to others.
Subtraction takes aways himself from many.
by Sekai
very profound!
The Weird Proctor
There once was a proctor who liked to design,
then she started to whine and whine,
when we took the math test,
she was really a pest,
when she didn’t whine,
we did just fine.
by Amyas
Math
In the Number School,
Number seven was expelled
because it ate nine.
Haiku by Angela
based on the old joke.
Can you see the ocean?
You can mix a potion
with numbers or equations to see the oceans with boats
with men wearing coats.
Maybe make a scope to cope
with the thought of not seeing the ocean by using numbers and equations while eating cucumbers and getting abrasions.
by Jozef
Math Haiku
I do not like math
Math is really not that fun
Except for Physics
Math... Math... too much action
I do a lot like addition nor Subtraction
I use a computer
I ride a scooter
and the...
Division and...
Multiplication...
And then I sleep
2 by Alex
Parentheses are the first to go
Exponents get bigger and bigger then blow
Multiplication multiplies itself on Styx’s
Division divides itself from life
Addition adds itself to heaven
Subtraction subtracts itself from Earth
Acrostic by Beau
Math!
A man who just ate an apple, decided he should drink a snapple. He ran out of money, had to mug a buddy. That’s how the man got his snapple!
The same man was walking away, found a dime on the street, thought he could buy meat, but this man couldn't figure out math!
Poems are harder to meet, this man hated to greet, but math is more important!
Starting with 2+2, he continued to ride through the ranks! 4b+2=[-2] and that was the end of his violence!
An intersting story by Nate
I know a Fraction of Fractions
Even though fractions are math
1 over 8 bigger than 1 over 9 is just not rite.
When old men said it like that, they just laughed
But even though they did not Frac a fight
Well they said 9 and 8 may just light
But even though math is everywhere
PI is in decimals pie is fractions
But even though bigger is fair in fractions well its just not there
by Wojtek
During the test we had a proctor
A proctor that claimed to be a doctor
She had a long needle,
and was very feeble,
and wasn’t really all that proper.
Limerick by Wes
math is a piece of pi
it has been around for centuries
or decades I can’t remember
10 cents can’t buy
meat
and $1.00
can’t buy you
soda
or anything big
i hate math....
by Sebastian
numbers, numbers are in my head
algebra, algebra you're in my head
7412986374265555553456356274
you all follow me
i can't take it anymore
since when are letters in math
MATH
GET AWAY!
355146523746131346234634064832364
by Terrell
reminds me that I need an eye exam!
I thoroughly enjoyed the mathematical releases expressed by your students after testing. Thank you for sharing your students' poems, Russ.
Don’t be dramatic
It’s just mathematics
Easy 1,2,3
by Lucie
Last one from me.
Happy Spring everybody!
Dear math,
I'm sick and tired of finding your "X".
Just accept the facct that she is gone.....
Move on dude!
Thanks to everyone who submitted a humorous math poem! I appreciate the creativity, and I really enjoyed reading them.
There were 36 entrants in the Humorous Math Poem contest. (People who submitted more than one poem received only one entry.) I then used a super-scientific method to determine the winner: I used the =randbetween(1,36) function in Excel, which randomly returns a positive integer from 1 to 36. I then held down the F9 key, which continued to generate random numbers until I lifted my finger. I didn't pick up my finger until a colleague, who couldn't see my computer screen, yelled, "Stop!" Whereupon, the winning random number was revealed.
The winning number was: 35.
That number corresponds to Lucie from Mr. H's class. Congratulations, Lucie! Mr. H, if you'll please send me an address, I'll be happy to put a signed copy of Math Jokes 4 Mathy Folks in the mail to Lucie. (You can send the address to me privately at pvennebush@nctm.org.)
Lucie's winning entry was the following haiku:
Don’t be dramatic
It’s just mathematics
Easy 1, 2, 3
Be sure to check out the other entries above. And start brainstorming ideas now for next year's contest!
My Haiku:
The flag poles real height
Can't be solved while lying down
Only length not more